The reason for this anxiety is partly the fact that it is a choice made of
our own free will and we sense the enormity of this relationship. The separation
from spouse is not due to any reason like death, which can be blamed on fate.
The separation though has the same finality.



Confusion and indecision make all of us uncomfortable. We just want this initial
phase of uncertainty to be over so we can move on. At the same time, we realize
that our choice will affect not only our partners, but our families and friends
too. It will be a decision we must live with all our lives. It is important that
we think the situation through and choose carefully.



If there seems to be no other way out, then make your decision. Even if it is
your partner who has sought divorce, do not give in to weakness and fall apart.
This is the time to be strong.



Once it is official that you are getting a divorce, step up and take control of
your situation. Effectively manage your divorce and transform yourself through
this transition. But first things first. You have to take care of the business
part right now and, in the coming months, there will be the time to take care of
yourself. This is what needs to be done:



1. Be in-charge: The relationship has broken and your attitude and
involvement can make sure that it goes smoothly. Make a commitment from the
start to be ‘in-charge’ of your divorce process and actively manage all
components, regardless of your partner’s reactions or strategy.



2. Get Paperwork in Order:  As soon as divorce becomes a
possibility, it is critical to make sure that you have copies of all important
financial and legal documents from your marriage (credit card bills, bank
statements, investment reports, deeds, loan papers etc.) Hire professionals if
necessary to evaluate the assets. Document all important information regarding
your marriage. This will make your initial meeting with an attorney smoother and
more cost-effective.



3. Educate Yourself:  Use internet, local legal associations,
library or other divorcees to educate yourself about divorce laws and process.
There are multiple options of dissolving marriage -- know the pros and cons of
each. Beef up your mental library and then meet an attorney.



4. Keep Emotions in Check:  There is bound to be a great deal of
anger, resentment, loneliness and fear associated with your divorce. Make sure
you take time out to acknowledge those feelings. Consult a professional or take
help from family but do not let them affect business part of your divorce.



5. Form a Team:  After all the paperwork and theoretical knowledge,
start building a team. Choose a reliable, experienced lawyer. Be prepared for
every meeting and have a clear list of action items and deadlines. Make sure
that you ask in advance for an estimate of total fees. Do not defer the
responsibility of your divorce to your lawyer. Always stay closely involved.
Hire a divorce counselor or mental health practitioner if required. A good team
will help ensure a favourable judgment and also in dealing with the whole
process with dignity.



Once the divorce is through, let the emotional healing process begin. Nobody can
take away the pain quickly. It is something that you have to live through. Let
yourself grieve for what is lost. Accept divorce as reality and let go off the
past:



1. Believe in life after marriage no matter how unbelievable it may sound.



2. Get out of denial. Face the grim reality of your marriage ending. Face it,
accept it and move on.



3. Do not waste too much time grieving non-stop. Set new goals, make a new
beginning and start off.



4. Ditch negativity by letting go feelings of anger, resentment and guilt. They
affect your physical health, your outlook and people around you.

5. Start afresh by trying to learn the lessons from your past, analyse your
feelings, confront your demons and rejoice in the fact that you are in control
of your own destiny.



6. Present a good example to your children by being strong, staying happy,
thinking positively and being in control.



7. Create a strong support group of family and friends.



8. Take control of your finances.



9. Take time out for yourself. It is important for your physical and emotional
well-being.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more
information on how to get a quickie
Divorce seehttp://www.quickie-divorce.com